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Relating – with Pippa Solomon

In relationships we have a strong need to be right. We
will give up the closeness and connection we have
with our partners for this position of rightness. Why this
desperate need to be right? Why the reluctance to
admit fault?
If we make the other wrong, we think we can be
better than them and avoid the pain that comes with
feeling wrong, less than or inadequate. Our egos are
fragile. However, if we want to be successful in our
relating we need to learn how to give up the position
of rightness. As Rumi writes,
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
The world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.
The field beyond right and wrong, beyond who is to
blame for doing harm, beyond the inability to accept
conflicting opinions – that is the bliss that Rumi refers
to. When we are in that field we are relating in pure
love. We acknowledge that the other person has an
equally valid perspective to ours. We listen with the
attitude of wanting to understand them, rather than
finding fault, comparing or judging them for their
viewpoint. We take full responsibility for our reactions
to others. The pain we feel is our pain. If we remain in
blame we cannot shift. If we take responsibility for the
way we react and move out of the victim position we
use our power wisely.
Wanting to be right takes you away from authentic
relating. It damages connection because it is a
judgment, a full stop. It is without love. Relating is
an ongoing, living process between people. When
relating is guided by love, it is the soul’s food.
PIPPA SOLOMON – Relationship Facilitator
021 783 3494, www.relating.co.za

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