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How to deal with difficult people and improve your relationships by Jevon Dängeli

13c jevon editorial

This article introduces ideas that can help to broaden your
perspectives as well as shift perceptual positions, no matter
how complicated your interaction with another may be. With
a broader view and a multiple perception stand-point you will
have greater freedom to choose mindful responses in any type
of interaction with people.
You are the only one who is responsible for your happiness.
When we feel emotionally affected by someone it’s because
something that already exists inside us was triggered by that
person. When we deal with what’s inside us then we no longer
get triggered in the same way. We then stop blaming others for
doing things to us. We see that the way they are is a reflection
of their level of awareness and this enables us to remain
resourceful and compassionate toward them.
The only way other people, including your family and friends
exists for you is through your perceptions. Our perceptions
determine how we behave. Our behaviour influences the
behaviour of those with whom we interact, which in turn
influences our perception about them. And so the cycle goes.
In other words, the way in which people behave validates
our perception of them, and so we always get to be right.
Therefore our perceptions become self-fulfilling prophecies that
keep recycling in our life.
Perceptions are subjective and therefore relationships can
be seen as a process of intersubjective responses between
people. Our perceptions of others (especially the important
people in our life) often mirror the unconscious qualities of our
own personality, which is what we’re not aware of in ourselves.
In this sense we generally experience and judge others
according to the internal representation of ourselves.
Problems occur in relationships when you get stuck in your
point of view. When you refuse to see the situation from the
other person’s perspective as well as from a more distant
(observer) perspective, therefore only seeing it from your own
map of reality, then conflicts are inevitable. Being able to shift
perspectives between your position and another’s position and
an observer position frees you from preconceived judgments
toward others, which in turn fosters better communication,
understanding, respect, compassion and harmony in that
This doesn’t mean that you stick around in an unwanted or
abusive relationship. It means that you become empowered
to act from a broader perspective of what is really going on.
You are able to choose what is in your best interest and move
in that direction without resentment or negativity or any sense
of loss.
We are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and
behaviours. When we try change other people’s thoughts,
feelings and behaviours it often leads to disappointment
and suffering. Changing your point of view and therefore
your ability to respond differently in a relationship is the best
chance you have of having a happy, healthy and successful
Fulfillment in relationships means not depending on someone
else. Fulfillment is the privilege of an open mind and flexible
points of view.
In case you’re thinking “easier said than done!” Think again!
Think from the point of view of your Authentic Self. This is the
realm within you that is open, flexible and resourceful. It’s the
real you!
To learn how to access and express your Authentic Self,
watch the free training video in this link – http://authentic-selfempowerment.
Written by Jevon Dängeli (MSc Transpersonal Psychology,
certified NLP & Coach Trainer)
Jevon provides Authentic Self Empowerment Facilitator Training
& events in Cape Town during February & March each year.

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