FROM TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY TO BEING THE BIGGER PERSON Do you suffer from taking things personally and getting offended?
Taking things personally usually means that our ego
has been hurt or aggravated. Being offended in
such a way causes us to react unresourcefully or
destructively – making matters even worse.
Imagine being unaffected by other people’s
condescending words or corruptive actions… This
doesn’t mean being passive or controlling your
emotions to avoid confrontation. It means having
a natural reflex that enables you to see the ‘bigger
picture’ and to be the ‘bigger person’ in challenging
situations. I refer to this as opening the aperture of
Opening the aperture of your awareness is the
process of becoming aware of your thought stream
without being washed away by it, and in that
‘spacious perception’ finding clarity, creativity,
courage and choice.
At the end of this article is a link to a video where I
teach the “peripheral awareness” skill that facilitates
an open aperture of awareness.
Opening the aperture of your awareness means
‘stepping outside of yourself’ and gaining a fresh
perspective. It’s the process of detaching from your
current point of view and expanding your perception
to that of a non-attached observer. This is relatively
simple when you don’t take yourself too seriously.
When you know that your thoughts about yourself or
any situation are only a story that your mind tells you,
and not necessarily the whole truth, then not being
affected by disempowering thoughts becomes easy.
The first trick to successfully opening the aperture of
your awareness is to accept that any point of view
is never the final answer. The map is not the territory.
Our internal representations (maps) are always
subjective, and it’s our internal representations that
determine our thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
Accepting this fact means gaining greater freedom
over how you respond to people and situations.
The next time you feel offended by somebody, start
by identifying your thought stream and observing it
flooding your head. It’s only your head, don’t worry,
thoughts are harmless unless you believe them.
Through just witnessing thoughts for a moment or
two they loose their intensity and we become less
affected by them. Simply watch those thought
bubbles come and go. Through observing thoughts,
as opposed to believing them to be true, you detach
from your ego’s pain and desires and connect more
with your Authentic Self – that realm within you that is
the bigger person.
With some practice, this spacious mode of perception
becomes embodied – and then it has a chance
of being our natural response in difficult situations,
which is when we need it most.
Becoming the bigger person who is not so easily
offended is one shift in perception away…
Watch the video here:
Written by Jevon Dangeli – NLP Trainer, Transpersonal Psychology Practitioner